Saturday, August 30, 2008

In Our Hearts Forever

On June 30, 2007 we found out we were expecting a miracle. After multiple attempts at trying to conceive a child we had turned to fertility medications. The day before I tested I decided to pick up a pregnancy test, thinking that it would be negative, but at least I could try. So the next morning I took the test and walked out of the room. Expecting it to be negative, I went back in the room only to find that the test said "pregnant." I couldn't believe it. I called my husband immediately and told him the good news. He rushed home not believing what the test said. And even he was in shock.

That following Monday i called the dr. to give her the news. She was thrilled and very optimistic that this pregnancy would "stick" since we had miscarried several times before. She had me make an appointment for a 6week ultrasound and blood work. I couldn't wait to get into the doctors office to see my little one.

At 5 weeks 5 days pregnant I started cramping. Shortly after I began to bleed. I knew something was wrong and I was miscarrying again. i was devastated. I couldn't believe this was happening again. So I called the dr. and he prescribed progesterone supplements just in case.

The following day I called and the nurse told me to come on in for an ultrasound to see if I was indeed miscarrying. The ultrasound technician was super nice and caring. She was praying for a good outcome and so was I. As she did the ultrasound, I immediately noticed a tiny flickering of a heartbeat. Our little one had a heartbeat. I couldn't believe it. My prayers had been answered.

As the weeks went by, the fatigue and morning sickness I was experiencing was taking it's toll on me. But I dealt with it and thought of it as a good sign. Our baby was doing fine, except all i could do was be nervous.

At 16 weeks we went in for our ultrasound to find out the gender of our baby. My husband took the day off to be with our unborn child and myself. We waited so impatiently for our names to be called. And finally the nurse said it. We went in and the ultrasound tech told us what the dr. wanted pictures of and we would find out the gender of our baby. After she did all of the pictures the dr. wanted it was time. Time to find out if we were having a boy or girl. Of course the baby wasn't cooperating. I was so surprised at how modest the baby was, but I realized the baby got it honest. So after 45minutes we found out we were having a girl. My husband and I couldn't have been more happy.

As the weeks went by I was more anxious to bring our new little girl into the world. And so was our family. I continued to go in for biweekly ultrasounds so the dr. could continue to monitor the baby closely.

Then on November 28, 2007 I had noticed that I hadn't felt our little girl move. I called the dr. and they told me that wasn't normal and I needed to come in immediately. The nurse decided before we do an ultrasound she would try the fetal doppler. After 20 minutes and not being able to find the heartbeat she called in the dr. and the ultrasound was performed. By that time I already had a bad feeling. The dr. knew it too. Our little Emily was gone. There was nothing I could do. She had left us long before we met her. Tear filled my eyes and my heart broke.

On November 29, 2007 I went into the hospital to be induced for labor. The dr. came in to see me before we started anything and as soon as I saw her I cried. I knew this was it and reality hit me like a ton of bricks. She explained the whole procedure and we began the induction. After trying to dilate my cervix for 15 hours she decided to increase the dosage of the pitosen drip. I was then given an epidural for the pain.

The next morning the nurse came in and took me off the pitosen drip to let me eat breakfast. I was so exhausted that I didn't care to eat. I ate a bagel and went to sleep. Around 12:00pm my husband and mother came in to be with me again after having been there the entire day and night before. My husband brought me a magazine to read and at 12:45pm I felt the need to push. So my instinct was to check. And sure enough there was blood. i called for the nurse and dr. The dr. checked to see and our Emily was in the breach position ready to come into this world.

At 1:04pm on November 30, 2007, our daughter was brought into this world as an angel. We never got to see or hold her, but I know that I held her in the womb for 7 months. And to this day we will hold her in our hearts forever. She will be missed.

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